.pathetic kan, saya ni?? =) .

i ask the question to amus, finally. and i got the answer already. at first, i was felt so terrible to ask the question to amus but i have no choice. lagi pun, i prepare for the worst kan?? =)

he was the only colleague who closed with 'rudy'. so, he's the best person to ask indeed. i've tear on my face while amus reading the question. apekah?? and i wasn't expecting any answer from the list actually. eventhough i am the provider of those question and the answers. but turn out, the answer was :

E. he's single, but not available

i am smiling when i look at the paper that i passed to amus before. and he even yell to me while walked downstair.

"jawapan dia E!!"

so, thats the end of the waiting phase~ i was smiling all the way down the stairs for lunch-lying to myself and pretend to be cool-like-nothing-happened. i was zooming out while waiting for the meal. i was exhausted during the small discussion with some colleague. finally, i was crying after my pray. menangis yang bersungguh-sungguh like before when mister syed was still in my mind and my heart. i was asking while crying

"kenapa kau tunaskan rasa ini jika ia takkan menjadi milik aku??"

but still, i thanked god because of the opportunity. kesempatan untuk mengasihi 'rudy' dalam diam walau responnya -ve. i am ok eventhough my tears tengah tunggu green light saja untuk keluar menderu-deru =) oh, saya takkan apply cuti dan takkan lari. i'll faced it walau mungkin tingkah saya akan hilang rentak buat seketika. saya akan tetap terus senyum walau saya sedang menangis. itu janji saya. jadi, mari ramai-ramai doakan saya untuk terus mampu tersenyum. untuk terus kuat hati. saya redha seikhlas mungkin, inshaAllah. walau hati saya pedih, tapi senyum tu selalunya akan mampu mengubati kepedihan hati =) saya tetap akan doakan yang baik-baik buat 'rudy' saya. saya tetap mahu 'rudy' dapat yang terbaik dalam kehidupan dia.

owh well, hidup baik-baik semua orang!! jangan patah semangat oke. ramai yang perlukan anda di sisi =) berjuang selagi mampu taw!! sebab saya jugak akan berjuang selagi ada daya =)

But will my heart be broken, when the night meets the morning sun?

**patutlah semalam terngiang-ngiang lirik ni. hati ni macam tahu-tahu saje bila nak terluka. tabah ye, duhai hati =)

notaKaki: kamu lelaki kedua berjaya buat saya sedih dan menangis bersungguh-sungguh selepas mister syed. kamu ada tempat tersendiri dalam hati saya, 'rudy'. kalau tidak, saya mungkin takkan teruk sangat sedihnya sampai begini -_-''