.roti nan.

uhuk, uhuk. saya suka tapi saya takut bocor rahsia hati -_-''

walau saya tahu akan kecewa sudahnya, saya tetap berkobar-kobar nak ajak 'rudy' keluar. kronik cik jaa, kronik!! nana cakap pegi aje lah, buat macam biasa. tapi kan, nak taip mesej nak ajak keluar pun ambil masa sampai sejam nak rangka ayat. apekah ini cik jaa?? since when kau punye jari-menggigil-nak-taip-mesej?? haha. tak kisah lah, janji dapat. sakit perut pun, sakit lah. janji boleh keluar juga akhirnya =) ngeh,ngeh,ngeh.

hoho. obvious gila lah kau ni cik jaa. jangan pecah rahsia sebelum masanya sudah lah!! bila saya text suhelly untuk dapatkan pandangan, die boleh tanya "aik, dah ok ke??" hoh, bila masa pulak kitorang bergaduh sayo oii??haha. tapi saya redah jugak akhirnya =) i texted him dan we're going out for supper. but it suppose to be dinner, actually -_-'' dan suhely tidak percaya!! siap cakap "ko ni banyak main ah" woh, underestimate aku kah wahai suhely?? =p

oh ye, semalam belajar makan roti nan sama itu ayam tandoori!! duduk kat pulau sampai tiga tahun tak pernah rasa nak try pun makanan tu. padahal Khaleel duk offer tiap-tiap hari.hehe. tapi kan, kenapa lah roti nan itu besar sangat. penat oke nak menghabiskan ;-( but finally, habis jugak~ ayam die best!! tapi as usual lah kan, saya tak berjaya nak habiskan ayam tu sampai licin tinggal tulang. i am bad at 'eating-chicken' ;-( tak tahu lah kenapa.

ok lah, sampai sini dulu lah kisah untuk hari ini. nak pergi lunch. LAPAR!!! ok, bye!!

notaKaki:oh 'rudy' si budak sekolah, jangan skip meal ye =) sangat kasihan tengok kamu macam budak sekolah. hihi. tapi kite tetap mahu kamu *blushing* makan manyak sket oke??

.oh buaian.

mari swing-swing lah!! =)


Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

[Chorus]
(Swing) Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

(Swing) Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again

Bury me
(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(away. away, away...)

[Chorus fades till end]
(Swing) Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again

.there's always many reason to tell.

kenapa saya jatuh kasih pada 'rudy' ??

- saya tiada jawapan spesifik untuk itu ^_^

'rudy'....

-si perokok tegar
-serabai kalau tak trim misai
-likes amy winehouse??
-seorang lelaki =p
-tua dari saya tapi fizikal masih kecik-comel seperti budak sekolah =) >>saya baru perasan dan saya sukakan itu!!
-gila scooter
-oh, mungkin suka makan butter nan =p
-suka buat muka ketat sampai saya jadi cuak nak tegur -_-''
-kereta die sangat kemas dan bersih =0)
-closed to his mom, perhaps.
-die hard fan Quicksilver
-i think he loves perfume =p
-coolio in the way he should be
-oh ye, die sudah ade gf!! orang perlis okeh =)
-family oriented person
-mungkin juge die suke Indiana Hemp punye cincin!! -.-''
-kaki buli
-baik hati sangat
-gentleman. sirius, as a women rasa dihormati =p

ok, dah. malas nak fikir. sebab lately die suke buli saye. cis!!

.pathetic kan, saya ni?? =) .

i ask the question to amus, finally. and i got the answer already. at first, i was felt so terrible to ask the question to amus but i have no choice. lagi pun, i prepare for the worst kan?? =)

he was the only colleague who closed with 'rudy'. so, he's the best person to ask indeed. i've tear on my face while amus reading the question. apekah?? and i wasn't expecting any answer from the list actually. eventhough i am the provider of those question and the answers. but turn out, the answer was :

E. he's single, but not available

i am smiling when i look at the paper that i passed to amus before. and he even yell to me while walked downstair.

"jawapan dia E!!"

so, thats the end of the waiting phase~ i was smiling all the way down the stairs for lunch-lying to myself and pretend to be cool-like-nothing-happened. i was zooming out while waiting for the meal. i was exhausted during the small discussion with some colleague. finally, i was crying after my pray. menangis yang bersungguh-sungguh like before when mister syed was still in my mind and my heart. i was asking while crying

"kenapa kau tunaskan rasa ini jika ia takkan menjadi milik aku??"

but still, i thanked god because of the opportunity. kesempatan untuk mengasihi 'rudy' dalam diam walau responnya -ve. i am ok eventhough my tears tengah tunggu green light saja untuk keluar menderu-deru =) oh, saya takkan apply cuti dan takkan lari. i'll faced it walau mungkin tingkah saya akan hilang rentak buat seketika. saya akan tetap terus senyum walau saya sedang menangis. itu janji saya. jadi, mari ramai-ramai doakan saya untuk terus mampu tersenyum. untuk terus kuat hati. saya redha seikhlas mungkin, inshaAllah. walau hati saya pedih, tapi senyum tu selalunya akan mampu mengubati kepedihan hati =) saya tetap akan doakan yang baik-baik buat 'rudy' saya. saya tetap mahu 'rudy' dapat yang terbaik dalam kehidupan dia.

owh well, hidup baik-baik semua orang!! jangan patah semangat oke. ramai yang perlukan anda di sisi =) berjuang selagi mampu taw!! sebab saya jugak akan berjuang selagi ada daya =)

But will my heart be broken, when the night meets the morning sun?

**patutlah semalam terngiang-ngiang lirik ni. hati ni macam tahu-tahu saje bila nak terluka. tabah ye, duhai hati =)

notaKaki: kamu lelaki kedua berjaya buat saya sedih dan menangis bersungguh-sungguh selepas mister syed. kamu ada tempat tersendiri dalam hati saya, 'rudy'. kalau tidak, saya mungkin takkan teruk sangat sedihnya sampai begini -_-''

.oh hati.

ok, saya dah mula rasa lelah dan sesak dengan perasaan sendiri. rasa seperti mahu mengalah dengan perasaan ini. emo sebab period kah??haish!! tapi saya pasti, saya sebenarnya takut kalau-kalau perasaan 'rudy' tak menepati jangkaan seperti yang saya harapkan. itu yang sebenarnya membuatkan mood swing hari ini. tapi saya rasa bersalah bila tengok muka 'rudy' time saya tanyakan pasal mineral water. actually, i was asking generally to all workers but he was the person who answered it eagerly. tapi saya boleh buat macam tak dengar and keep asking while trying to find those mineral water. maaf 'rudy', saya marahkan diri sendiri sebab kasihkan kamu yang belum tentu akan kasihkan saya *_*

rasa macam diri saya sekarang ni dikuasai oleh rasa marah yang tak tahu dari mana puncanya. rasa letih. rasa geram yang tak pasal-pasal. haish, sirius ni saya perlukan kolam untuk cool down the bad feeling. nak pergi berenang tapi tataw kat mane kolam renang yang dekat. sedih oke!! tak sabar mahu pulang this coming friday~ mahukan keluarga saya!! mahukan cousins!! mahukan the lovely air & comfy hugs ;-( semalam baru hang out dengan nana, enion, nuar and huzai. oh, semalam memang saya sungguh seronok walaupun at first nak keluar tu rasa macam letih sangat. but turn out, saya happy!! seriously saya happy. saya happy bila dapat hugs enion dan nana!! mesti lagi gumbira kalau dapat hugs sayo jugak =(

tapi lepas sampai ofis pagi tadi terus rasa macam unhappy. nak kata ada benda tak best jadi, tak jugak. might be perasaan ni terbawa-bawa dari petang semalam kot. sebab petang semalam saya rasa 'rudy' macam lain. then i text him to ask "stress lebih ke ari ni??" he sai he's ok. but still i can feel there's something bothered him. uh, syaitonnnn!!!!! sila berambus semua -_-'' is that for real that i can sense his mood or it just a mainan perasaan yang sungguh kejam?? adeh -_-'' selera makan pun sudah hilang ;-(


notaKaki:perlu tak saya bertahan dengan perasaan kasihkan 'rudy' walau saya tak pasti sama ada 'rudy' akan kasihkan saya??

.bila rasa hampir kalah.

To Know Him Is To Love Him

To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see that smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do, and I do, and I do

Oh, I'll be good to him
I'll bring joy to him
Everyone says there'll come a day
When I'll walk alongside of him
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do, I really do, and I do

Why can't he see
How blind can he be
Someday he'll see
That he was meant for me

To know know know him
Is to love love love him
Just to see that smile
Makes my life worthwhile
To know know know him
Is to love love love him
And I do, I really do, and I do

.will you love me tomorrow by Amy winehouse.

Tonight you're mine completely
You give you love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

(INSTRUMENTAL)

So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

.oh rudy.

hai readers!! (blog ni ade readers kan?? -_-'')

oh ye, semalam(sabtu) saya keluar dengan 'rudy' lah!! thanx to my rumet-yana sebab mencetuskan idea gila nih. hehe. tapi plan asal memang tak menjadi lah kan sebab turn out kitorang ke KLCC~like i care lah kan nak pergi mane pun. (huge sorry to fahmie sebab time kau nak datang aku sudah bepergian) asal nyer nak cari handbag tapi tak cari pon. haha. lagi pun handbag roxy sangat lah nipis kulit die. no wonder lah enion punye handbag melting =p oh ye, sebelum nih sangat jarang masuk quicksilver tapi mungkin lepas ni akan selalu masuk =)

enion kecoh-kecoh semalam sebab saya tak tanye 'rudy' belikan baju siape kat butik tuh -_-'' oh, bukan tamaw tanye tapi rasa macam tak patut nak sibuk-sibuk tanye. but i trust him. saya dapat rasakan 'rudy' belikan baju tu maybe for her sister, cousin or maybe present for his friend. hehe. bukan lah nak jadi optimistik sangat tapi hati saya yang rasakan seperti itu =) so, just let put it a side segala -ve thinking. lagi pun rasa ini masih baru. perlu bertatih baik-baik sebab saya mahu kekalkan ia sampai hujung usia, kalau diberi peluang =)

sangat selesa berjalan dengan 'rudy' sebab rasa macam sangat bertenang walau dalam hati debar die dah macam baru lepas lumba lari 100m -_-'' tambah-tambah time die memula sampai kat umah. nak masuk kereta tu rasa macam "eh, die datang sorang ke??" takut lah kan kot die bawak siapa-siapa join kitorang =p oh ye, saya juga sangat selesa sebab 'rudy' akan selalu make sure saya ada kat tepi die time kitorang berjalan (haha,ini mungkin perasan saje.padahal die tak berniat begitu pun -_-'') - yang saya perasan, 'rudy' akan pastikan saya beriringan dengan die tapi saya prefer untuk duduk belakang die sebab saya segan!!MALU oke!!but he make me selesa after all. owh, 'rudy' minat amy winehouse!! i guess lah sebab all the way to KLCC memang lagu amy jer yang berkumandang - at first i thought he listened to light n' easy -_-''

saya baru sedar melepak di luar KLCC adalah sangat best-walaupun fountains kat tengah-tengah tu belum berfungsi dan takde lampu warna-warni. for the first, i thought night would be great tapi siang pon oke taw!! tapi dengan syarat kena duduk dengan orang yang sepatutnya lah kan =) walaupun sepanjang melepak tu saya menyedut asap rokok yang saya rasa alergik sebelum ni, saya tetap rasa selesa. apekah?? immune sudah kah dengan asap rokok??terbaek lah kalau begitu =p

oh, saya juga belajar cara terbaek, perhaps, untuk membeli perfume!! pasti lepas ni saya akan heret 'rudy' saya untuk beli perfume =) oh ye, 'rudy' cakap favourite perfume die channel. ade satu channel fragrance yang 'rudy' suke. the old channel. dan saya juga rasakan yang 'rudy' sukakan paco rabane -_-'' hoho. lepas nih kena rajin review pasal fragrance!! hehe.

till then, doa yang baik-baik untuk saya ya!! saya mahukan 'rudy' sebagai bakal suami. saya juga tetap akan redha kalau ketentuanNya, 'rudy' bukan bakal suami saya =)

.dangerous.

fine, saya sudah kemaruk lagu ini. apekah?? saya pun tak faham apa relevannya lagu ni untuk saya suka. takkan sebab 'rudy' punya CRT adalah lagu ini, maka saya sukakan ia. pheww~

Girl, I can notice but to, notice you, noticing me
From across the room I can see it and can't stop myself
From looking and noticing you, noticing me
Watch out, I've seen her type before

That girl is so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous
That girl is a bad girl, I've seen her type before
She's so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous
That girl is a bad girl, yeah

Oh yeah, that's her
The big dog tryin' to get her little kitty to purr
Ex-man lookin' at me like I'm Lucifer
'Cause he knows I will deal with the case, yes sir!

If I was the last man I earth
I would only take that girl, end of search
She give a new definition to the word 'curve'
Got chicks in the strip club envying her

Body's like weapons of mass eruptions
See the glad on that phat obstruction
Tongue game give her new type of seduction
I'm trying to give that girl something, cha!

Girl, I can notice but to, notice you, noticing me
From across the room I can see it and can't stop myself
From looking and noticing you, noticing me
Watch out, I've seen her type before

That girl is so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous
That girl is a bad girl, I've seen her type before
She's so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous
That girl is a bad girl, yeah

Oh, bad to the bone
Everything locked like a two three zone
I wanted to make my black snake moan
Talk a little bit then take that home

She bad and she know the deal
That's what I can't hide when she want to conceal
I mean, Meagan Good and Halle Berry
Put together in close to the jubee I see

No no! No disrespect
But this gyal a pon another level, cut the check, uh!
Tell king, max stop the press
Say kid, can I get a witness?

Girl, I can notice but to, notice you, noticing me
From across the room I can see it and can't stop myself
From looking and noticing you, noticing me
Watch out, I've seen her type before

That girl is so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous
That girl is a bad girl, I've seen her type before
She's so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous
That girl is a bad girl, yeah

I see you got that fire by the way that you walkin'
From left to right I watched her go down
Girl, I just want it right now, don't wanna do no talkin'
Shorty's so right, I need to slow down

Figure 8, good body shape
When she on the dance floor, gyal I'm irate
When she do her thing man can't walk straight
That biscuit fi' soak up everything on ev'ery plate

Mad heels like Jessica P
I'm tryna give homegirl sex and the cit-t-ty
Itty-bitty waistline, moves with the baseline
One lick of punch, I'm fine, cha!

Girl, I can notice but to, notice you, noticing me
From across the room I can see it and can't stop myself
From looking and noticing you, noticing me
Watch out I've seen her type before

That girl is so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous
That girl is a bad girl, I've seen her type before
She's so dangerous, that girl is so dangerous
That girl is a bad girl, yeah

.mari menuntut ilmu lakonan.

huk huk huk
mungkin saya perlu belajar berlakon!!
fine, saya memang fail berlakon -_-'' jadi, in return memang patut lah kan saya nampak gelabah dihadapan orang yang saya angaukan. sila gelak ramai-ramai. sobsobsob. oh ye, tadi saya sudah malu-gila-rasa-nak-masuk-dalam-laci-dan-terus-ghaib bila 'rudy' ckp

"ko ni apehal buat-buat sibuk ni??"

dush dush dush. amek kau cik jaa. obvious sangat lah yang kau gelabah kan??haish.
saya ade reason lah sebab saya buat-buat sibuk!! kebetulan pulak lah kan ade surat-surat yang nak kena review. owh, mesti 'rudy' pelik dan fikir luar alam -_-'' aduhai lah cik jaa, kenapa macam ni?? seriously, i was tak-senang-duduk tadi when 'rudy' stand next to me while he doing fax thingy things!!

rentak jantung masih belum stabil sebab nervous tak tentu arah tadi. fine, saya memang tak berani nak tengok muka 'rudy' like we talk before. sebab bila 'rudy' tengok saya, saya rasa macam die boleh baca apa yang saya rasa sekarang ni. adeh, dah jatuh tergolek dah ni. pagi-pagi tadi pun bila bercakap ngan 'rudy', saya lebih rela tengok laptop sambil bersembang. urghhhh...sungguh la tak selesa. but, he's cool as usual =) owh, saya memang suka tengok muka 'rudy' yang cool dan saya mengaku saya sedang sengih sorang-sorang sebab membayangkan muka 'rudy'. sue me for this weirdo thing =p

saya memang penakut! penakut nak mamp** untuk terima kenyataan kalau-kalau 'rudy' tahu rahsia hati saya. tambah pulak bila 'rudy' tahu and he reject me -_-'' mahu saya cuti sebulan bawak diri pergi tempat orang takleh carik *sigh* owh tuhan, tolonglah bagi 'rudy' pada saya =p hoh, doa tu macam-dah-takdak-lelaki-lain saja yang kau boleh cari.

cik jaa, sungguh jauh anda berangan ni!! sila kembali ke tepi pantai dalam kadar segera sebelum anda lemas teruk. jadi, mari doa ramai-ramai supaya esok cik jaa akan selamat sampai ke pantai. hehe. harap-harap esok saya akan lebih cool dari hari ni =))

apekah ini??

urm...saya sedang melalui frasa pelik sekarang. angau. pelik di sini kerana bukan saya tak pernah angau. tapi tahap angau saya nih bakal kronik -_-'' tak pernah saya seangau begini. dengan orang yang baru saya kenal pulak tu. dua bulan bukan satu jangka masa yang cukup panjang.tambahan pulak kitorang bukan selalu jumpa pun!!adeh.

saya tak faham kenapa saya asyik terbayangkan die. even time gastrik menyerang jam 3 pagi kelmarin pun saya hanya nampak die yang akan tolong saya. i even have a tought to called him!!ok, i'm going nut sekarang -_-'' oh tuhan, kenapa begini rasanya?? terasa macam gila sorang-sorang. bila tanya nana, she suggested to text him. oh sayang, itu macam jerut leher sendiri. esok-esok die datang ofis, saya mungkin akan menyorok bawah meja!!

tapi, saya tetap percaya tentang ketentuan Dia. mungkin dah tertulis di atas sana bahawa saya akan merasai perasaan ini sekarang. at least, saya pernah rasa angau-tahap-giga-towards-'rudy' sebegini. fine, saya tak pernah terfikir die yang akan saya angaukan. die jugak bukan jenis lelaki yang saya pernah impikan sebelum ni. oh, die heavy smoker tapi saya boleh deal dengan perkara tersebut. die mungkin hensem pada pandangan orang laen, tapi saya mahukan lelaki yang sedap mata memandang. dan die bukan begitu. saya suke kan engineer sebab saya rasa mereka cool tapi die bukan engineer!! saya sukekan die yang serabai walaupun now he's better than before. that's good =)) mata die tak redup macam mata lelaki yang saya impikan tapi saya dah tak kisah. saya tak rasa yang saya dah jatuh suka atau sayang atau cinta pada die. apa yang saya tahu, saya rasa bahagia bila teringat atau terbayangkan die. apekah ini??

tolong siapa-siapa yang faham simptom-simptom ini, jelaskan pada saya. oh ye, saya jugak agak takut even to text him to say "hi". mangkuk sungguh!! saya tak mahu gila sorang-sorang.


notaKaki:oh,saya juga penah rasa macam "kekkon shi mashiyou??"

.........

"Ko lapa ek, saBor ek..kwn ko 2 slow,bese la berat"

sirius terhiris. bisu sekejap. tapi aku nak jadik optimis. bersangka baik dengan semua orang. jadi, takpe lah kan. hati ni boleh pulih sendiri =)